Do you get crushes easily? I do. Ever since elementary school. When adults would ask me silly questions, such as “Is there a boy you like in your class?”, I would give out a list of three to four names. I just couldn’t pick one; I liked ’em all. My mother always laughed about it, and blamed my dad’s ‘womaniser’ genes for my indecisiveness. Who knows maybe she was right. Maybe I was a ‘maniser’. But only up until high school. That is when things changed, and I’ve learned to focalise my attention on one boy at a time. Actually, one in particular. His name was Josh. I can still recall his athletic figure. His crystal blue eyes burning holes through me during lunch breaks. Our hidden glances at each other whilst crossing paths in between classes. My heart skipping a beat or two. My insomnia because of this teenage obsession. He was a High School Senior. Older. Mysterious. Inaccessible. He was the perfect unsolvable equation I was looking for in order to keep myself busy during those long and boring history classes. Although I’ve always resented equations, this ’mysterious guy’ equation was nothing like the numbers they were giving us during maths classes. This platonic crush lasted for a few years, until one day there was no equation to solve anymore; he finally found the courage to make a move. It was a bitter tale of disappointed hopes. Because when he opened his mouth, I was dashed. Not because he had a particularly bad breath, a squeaky voice or a bizarre laugh. No. I was mesmerised by his lack of intelligence. How could I have known that he had such low IQ? And trust me, I didn’t even need to know his score to figure it out. Yes it was that bad. Was I asking for too much when I was expecting him to be not only hot but also smart? I guess so. It was a lesson to be learned. From that day on, I found out that looks and brains don’t always come in the same package. But unfortunately, I have always been picky. I wanted the brains, the body, the charisma and the style. And most importantly, I didn’t want to receive it in an ‘asshole package’ when it was delivered. And with such high expectations, I was single for a veeeeery long time. I was even thinking that I would end up being a cat lady in my grandma years…
Until one day, in my mid 20s, I finally found out that my expectations were so high because I’ve never fallen in love before. Because when you are in love you don’t have a pre-built criteria for a perfect mate. When you have that criteria, it is a crush. It is lust. But when you fall, you lose your brains whilst you’re falling, together with the standards that you’ve created. From that moment on, you are one-on-one with your heart. The thought of not seeing the one you love again paralyses you to the core. You move mountains for them. Pray for them. Love them unconditionally. Give up your life for them.
In a crush, you are picky with their physique, personality and status. But in love, there is no judgement and no condition. If you expect them to be rich, fit and tall. Well too bad, they might as well be poor, fat, short and bold. And you will love them for who they are, not for how they look and what they have to offer. You will not care about others judging you for dating them. You will jump in with both feet. And they might as well have bad breath and a funny laugh, but even that will not stop your soul from aching for them. Because love is an invisible force; an energy. And no matter who they are, the idea of not seeing them again, will break your heart in two and make your soul bleed.
I am talking to you about the difference between a crush and love, because I want you to question yourself. I want you to wonder whether you have a crush for someone, or if you really are in love with them. Because if you misinterpret a crush to be love, you can easily screw up your life. For me, the safest way to know whether it is a crush is TIME. According to a psychologic study, a crush only lasts a maximum of four months. But if it exceeds four months, then you are in love. Through time you will find a few skeletons in their closet. There will be small things that will start to annoy you about them. But if all of these negatives will not stop you from loving them even more, then it might as well be TRUE LOVE. Ask yourself, “Can you imagine loving that person in the future – when he/she is an old toothless fart?”. Even if I’m joking a little when saying this, I think that questioning yourself really can work. So please do question, “How far are you willing to go for them?”. Would you give up all of your material possessions if that person was needing a life-saving surgery? Would you be ready to sacrifice everything to make them happy?
In my opinion, we always start by crushing over the personality of a person – their physical appearance and what they pretend to be; the mask they wear. But once we get to know them a little better, we either get turned off by the things that we find out about them and break if off, or we settle with them for the fear of being alone. Unfortunately, there is a lot of us who are desperately clinging to the concept of being in a ‘relationship’. Maybe because we are pressured by society, family or our own fear of being alone, but we do tend to force ourselves to turn all of the negatives about a person we date into positives. We are trying our best to convince ourselves that they are the right person for us. Which, in my opinion, is a very wrong approach to relationships. Why settle for less when there is somebody better out there for us, who we don’t even notice because we are too busy justifying a mediocre relationship? Of course a crush can turn into true love with time, but only when you love everything about them since the very beginning. If in the early stages there are things that annoy you, trust me it will only get worse with time.
Now if you are having doubts about your relationship whilst reading this, then maybe you should look inside yourself. Having doubts and hesitations is not a good sign. When you are IN LOVE you know for sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, because the thought of you not being together makes your heart bleed.
My only advise is to always listen to your heart. Not your logic. Not your reason. But your heart. Because it holds all of the answers.
If you want a few more tips, here is a list of answers that my Instagram followers have given me, when I’ve asked them for their opinion:
- When it is a crush you may not pursue it, but when it is love you have no other choice but to jump in with both feet.
- Love is about soul bonding – the difference is in the energy. Crush is all fire (Red Energy) whereas Love tingles everywhere and gives you goosebumps that hit your soul (White Energy – Pure Light).
- Crush is a temporary infatuation, whilst Love is forever.
- Crush is an illusion – an obsession which absorbs your whole mind and blinds you from seeing the reality in front of you. Whereas, love makes imperfections perfect – you accept them for who they are.
- True love is an emotion from the soul – it never wants to give up on you even after finding out their dark parts. You feel unconditional love for the good and the bad in them.
- True love is a crush that repeats itself over time.
- You see what you like in your crush, but in love, you like what you see in your love.
- Love comes in all shapes and sizes; crushes come in perfect measurements only.
- A Crush may be the beginning of True Love.